Crisp air, slow breaths

Serene. Quiet. Powerful.

The chirping of birds and the silent whispering of the wind surrounded me, the only other sounds made by our soft footsteps and quiet breathing as we walked on. Every now and then, a gush of cool wind caught strands of my hair and flew them all over my face, and the leaves tried to reach out to us lonely walkers in the middle of the wilderness.

Our legs took us forward, forward, forward, for eighty-two endless kilometers in the middle of the loneliness and the silent beauty of nature, as we just kept hiking. The smell of wild rosemary was almost intoxicating as we walked over the vast, open swamps of Lapland, and the soft, dull, wooden sound of the duckboards felt cozy and homely. A blue sky opened up over the large swamps, and strange, northern birds screeched their warning calls whenever we approached them. Here and there a couple of sun rays hit our faces, warming our cheeks and creating a breathtaking atmosphere, as they filtered through the dense, deep forests.

Our legs were screaming Hosanna as we climbed atop of the fjelds and arctic hills that shaped the landscape into a wild, raw, harsh northern wilderness. The backpacks on our backs weighed more than ever as we heaved and hurried and gasped for air, but it was all worth it whenever we reached the highest point of the hill, allowing us to enjoy the view overlooking the landscape for dozens of kilometers. I breathed heavily as I was filled with something I cannot describe.

I was filled with home, I guess.

For four and a half days we hiked. Forward we went, even in the moments when our bodies tried to resist with all their might. And now those 82 kilometers are done and are slowly turning into memories of the past.

I came home from the Bear's trail today. It was one of the best experiences of my entire life.

The Bear's trail is a legendary hiking trail located in the North-East of Finland, just barely reaching Lapland on the northmost part, before returning south. The trail is almost completely located in the absolutely breathtaking, harsh, deep wilderness, going deep into the endless forests, arctic hills, fjelds, swamps, lakes, rivers, rapids, waterfalls and streams of Northern Finland. The trail, in its entirety, takes 82 kilometers to complete. Along the trail you can find lots of wilderness huts, lean-to shelters and little tenting areas (= ground suitable for tents, nothing more special than that). Most of the area is protected, so you can't sleep wherever you want. There are no luxuries, obviously, but there are dry toilets, which is definitely a blessing. And there's plenty of water everywhere, so you won't be running out of that. 82 kilometers deep in the wilderness, in the quiet solitude of the harsh, northern nature. That is what the Bear's trail is.

The idea to go there came to me and my friend just a little while ago. It was quite spontaneous, really. We chose our departure date literally the day before we left, because my friend's mom bought the car  we used then - I had also just bought a backpack and a pair of hiking boots a week before that. My friend just got her driver's license a week before the trip, so it was a fun little adventure to immediately drive for 800 km, as she didn't have any experience of driving for more than two hours in a row. But I don't fall asleep so I could keep her company, and she's really good at staying awake. Besides, we drank a lot of coffee, listened to a lot of music and talked a lot. The drive there was so much fun, I could look at the passing landscapes (so much forest and lakes!), and we listened to so much good music. When we finally came to the parking lot, we had to stay there overnight - we slept in the car's trunk, lol. That was a first for both of us... We combined our sleeping bags to stay warm (throughout this entire trip, the temperature there was somewhere between 0-5 degrees celsius...), and slept on top of our backpacks. Not the most comfortable night I've had, but it worked.

The following morning, we took a bus to the starting location of the trail. And off we went, off to the wilderness. Neither one of us had any experience of such a long trail, so it was definitely a learning experience. We were both very excited, and that excitement lasted throughout the entire trip. I, especially, was a complete beginner. I've spent a night alone in a lean-to shelter, and I've hiked for ~30 kilometers in one go before, but I've never had a hiking backpack before, so I had to get used to the weight. But campfires, tents and so on, those I'm used to. My friend is a former scout, so she knows her stuff, ahaha. Her condition just isn't the best, and it was the longest hike ever for her as well.

Despite our possible inexperience, everything went very well. I took the lead during the hiking as she liked to follow more than lead, we hiked for 19 km the first day, then our days went like this: 25 km, 15 km, 11 km and 12 km. We didn't plan much, we mostly just went forward for as long as our legs carried us. Well, okay, we had a map with us so that we could plan whether we'd stay on the closest hut/lean-to or move forward to the next, but usually we went as far as we could. In that sense, we were a very bad combination, as neither one of us knows how to give up, ahaha. We were so dead when we got to our sleeping areas, I'm telling you. We hiked long into the night, so it was usually closing on midnight when we finally arrived, which meant that after a cold, poorly-slept night, we were exhausted to hike for so long. Lol, we just couldn't say: "okay, let's just call it a day and stay here", we just had to keep going.

Two of the four nights we spent on the wilderness huts, two in the tent that I had. We combined our sleeping bags from the zippers to make it even warmer. That would be cute with a boyfriend... uhm, lol, I digress. Anyways, the nights were really cold. My friend always stole the sleeping bag from me >:/ I'm better at handling the cold (she's more of a summer-person, ahaha), so I let her take the most of it... but it was cold. Really cold. But the camping time was lovely, we ate the bag pasta and porridge (and a lot of canned tuna) that we had carried in our backpacks, we had a trangia and fuel to cook our simple food. It wasn't exactly gourmet, but god it tasted good after a long day outside. Camping life was actually extremely relaxing in its soothing simplicity: take water from the river or the lake, heat it up to make food (or bottle it up to drink), put up a tent or stay inside a hut, eat, drink, sleep. I washed my face and brushed my teeth while being surrounded by the beautiful nature, and there was no technology, no nothing. No entertainment, either. I didn't use my phone at all throughout the entire hike. The only things we did were hike, eat, sleep. 

After six days of not showering, I didn't feel all that fresh... But that's just a part of camping. Besides, had it been a little warmer, we would've swam every night. Now it was so cold that I would've most likely died during the night if I had taken a swim before cozying in the sleeping bag, as I was already  freezing as it is, lol. But the cool weather was actually really lovely, since we didn't get too hot during our hikes even though we were sweaty messes. And there were no mosquitoes! 

Throughout this process I learned a lot. A lot about me, but - and forgive me for going all deep and larger-than-life here - also about life in general, I think. It was hard and demanding as hell to carry a backpack that weighed around 20 kg, which is more than one third of my body weight, for many kilometers every day, with barely any sleep at all. We also had to be satisfied with very little comforts and our food was simple. We slept in uncomfortable positions in the cold weather. The trail went over so many hills and the terrain wasn't always that easy - they put ropes in some parts to help the poor hikers out. My feet were dying. The soles of my feet were so tired as they had to carry so much weight, and my feet are also very small (only 37 EU), so the pressure and weight was very concentrated. I had never carried a real hiking backpack before, so it took some getting used to. And overall, it was just exhausting to go on and on, forward and forward, with very little sleep and sometimes not knowing when exactly the hut or next sleeping area would come. But through this pain and tiredness I learned so, so much about myself - things I would never have learned had I not visited this uncomfort zone. We paid attention to the way we handled tiredness and pain. My friend has to say it out loud, whine, if you will, as it helps her. She is very vocal of her pain and tiredness. Whereas I, I really shut in. She described me as "a Finnish stubborn old man", ahaha. I guess it's fitting. It helps me to shut in, go inside myself, in a way, and just move forward with no room for hesitation or complaints. When I got really tired, which definitely happened at the ends of the first three days, I became completely quiet, solely focusing on moving forward. Sometimes I became slightly annoyed by the way my friend complained, but I didn't want to say anything as it just was her way to cope.

(Overall, we became even closer during this trip. We had no problems or arguments, really, and were in good spirits throughout the whole thing. Even if we had some hardships, we usually just laughed about them, and if we were tired, we didn't take it out on one another. Besides, you can't not be close when you cuddle every night for warmth, you both look like absolutely crap and sometimes have to pee in the forest... Hiking might be the best way to become close, ahaha.)

In any case, it was interesting to learn that about myself. But I should learn how to cut myself some slack as well, as it's not a bad thing to take a breather every now and then... It seems that I'm too stubborn and not into giving up, to the extent of it not being smart anymore, lol. I'm really bad at taking a break. I also went into such a flow mode throughout the hiking, completely enwrapped into my own mind and everything around me, from the weird bird screeches to the heather bushes. It was so calming.

Most of the time, we hiked in silence. I quite liked that. It was extremely, extremely beautiful there. I can't put that out well enough. It was so mesmerizing and breathtakingly gorgeous there, and even amidst all the pain and misery and dullness of my exhausted mind, I couldn't ignore the beauty everywhere. The rapids were wild, some of the rivers were running towards Russia with such strong currents that it would've been terrifying to fall in, the scenaries from the hills, ah, they were... more than I could ever describe. Everything was green and lush and lively, but there were almost no humans to be seen, and the nature was almost untouchable. Hikers are usually respectful of nature and don't leave any trash behind, which was lovely. It was... amazing. It must be one of the most beautiful locations of the whole of Finland. I fell in love. I fell in love with everything around me. There were times when I felt like I was going to burst as it was too much, too much to take in... And the nightless night has already settled in, so the sun didn't set, and it was all so beautiful, in a cold, harsh, primitive, cruel way.

We saw some reindeers, some of them not shy at all, one jogged really close to us and wasn't afraid at all. It was magical, and all the reindeers were almost completely white. White reindeers are a little less common than the brown-white ones. We also saw a lot of cute birds (one of them was tiny, must have been about a quarter of my palm! So cute!) and little, white butterflies flying everywhere.

I don't know how much love this text can transmit, but I really, really, really loved it. All of it. There were times when we really were in pain (ahhh, my lower back...) and had to take breaks, and there were times when we were so exhausted our eyes barely stayed open, and the cold nights weren't the nicest, but still, but still... I felt weirdly hollow when we came back. When we saw the sign that said: 82-0. It was an amazing feeling to know that, hey, you did it, you could do it, you completed it! But at the same time, I'm almost sad it ended.. We were both tired and eager to get home (SHOWER), and to be honest, going there like that must mean that we're both some serious masochists, but even then... Now I had to come back. Return to.. this. This normal, regular life. The Bear's trail felt like a bubble, completely separated from the rest of the world. To be honest, I'm more than glad to be home now as I really already got my fill of hiking life, but it's still always melancholic when something ends. And I learned so much. I felt so good, knowing that I did it. Being outside of everything... Taking a break from everything.

My blood pulls north. That's how we describe that inexplainable longing to north... I've always wanted to be surrounded by nature, but my god, this week just strengthened that need. It was so, so, so beautiful. The south just can't compete, ahaha. The southern islands are amazing during summertime, but the north is lovely all year round... And it's so strong, in a way that I can't put into words. We have some good, fitting words in Finnish, but they aren't translatable, so strong has to suffice. The nature there is strong. I love it.

We joked that there are two places where a Finn relaxes, a sauna and a forest, and yeah, I think it's kind of true, lol. I chatted with so many strangers, and we made lots of friends. Well, short-time camping friends, but still. Hikers are always so chill. I don't know, I feel like nature just is something so deeply embedded into our culture, into our blood if you will. I can't imagine Finns without forests. Impossible. And I'm kind of going to the stereotype territory here, but my friend and I noticed that the northerners are a tad more reserved, but a lot more welcoming, a lot less stressed and much warmer and more genuine when they open up. It's stereotypical, I know, but I could imagine that it has to do with the stressful, hectic rhythm of life in the south. Whereas in the north, things move slowly at times. I really liked that simple warmth, that satisfaction from simplicity. So soothing.

We came back this morning after driving back south last night (one of our smart ideas, I know, but we didn't fall asleep! Not even close. Safety first!). Well, we didn't come home during the night, as we wanted to stay overnight at my friend's cottage. We drove there, and it was the biggest farce ever, because the spare key wasn't there... Oh my god, we were so frustrated, ahaha. We had to sleep in the car, AGAIN. After fantasizing about the warm, cozy beds... And the cottage was right there, so were the beds, we just couldn't get in! We slept for a couple of hours before driving home this morning. Taking a shower has never, ever, felt as good. I took a shower, washed my hair, exfoliated my face and put on a face mask, and brushed and flossed my teeth and my god, I felt like I could maybe resemble a human again. I've been dead tired this entire day, but... I've never ever taken a nap after kindergarten unless extremely sick, so I kind of refused to take one today, too, even though it would've done me some good.. Ehe. I might really be a little too stubborn for my own good. But I don't want to destroy my no-napping score! Besides, nights are made for sleeping, not days!

...Anyways. It was lovely. Lovelylovelylovely. Hard, far from cute, dirty, sweaty, tiring exhausting, painful, uncomfortable, cold, disgusting too, but even then, lovely. I want to do it again, but this time slowly, taking in everything, eating the landscape, the smells, the sights, the sounds. I want to take a fishing rod and fish in the dozens of lakes and rivers (people got a lot of fish!) and sleep well. I fell in love, and now I'm tired, but really, really happy.

God, I love nature.

(By the way, the court trial was a week ago on Monday. It went pretty well, but it took around three hours. It was a lot more nit-picky and American-style than I expected, but I actually had fun... Ehehe. He got some hefty fines (we're talking way over a thousand euros, not for me of course, but from the court costs and so on) and a criminal record. I'm really, really glad that this is over.)